But in the end I just had more punches than they had dudes.

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 17:52:57 GMT

LET'S PLAY A GAME

THE GAME IS CALLED "RIDDLES"

RIDDLE 1. WHAT IS SITTING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GULF AND RHYMES WITH THE WORD "WALINESE ROOM"

Play more Street Fighter.

Wed, 07 May 2008 05:56:05 GMT

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 03:24:11 GMT

Not doing anything this spring break? Take a trip to the glorious Casa de Mierda Agua!

Built after the 1900 Storm, Casa de Mierda Agua is Spanish for "House of Clear Water", in honor of Galveston's notoriously pristine and crystal clear beach systems.

Visitors to Galveston will be received warmly by the local rats (known colloquially about the island as "land fish") and other wildlife, such as pigeons, spiders, packs of wild dogs, hyenas, sharks and perhaps even a native Galvestonian or two. Returning visitors often make special note of the island's pleasant year round climate, which is described by some as "no more than 130 degrees" and "barely tolerable".

College going Spring-Breakers should be sure to check out Galveston's state-famous Miss Incest Pageant, where 21 of the best and brightest young ladies on the island compete to find out whose inbred genes contain the least amount of "foreign contamination"! While at the pageant, make sure to try some of Auntie Yolanda's Homeless Punch, a local favorite. Auntie Yolanda won't say what her secret ingredient is, but one tourist remarked that her punch "tasted like jenkem", going on further to say "huurrkkkk erkkk, I can't feel my face, help me I am being attacked by giant spiders with machineguns, oh god the spiders can no one else see them sweet christ they're crawling undermyskin ohgodthey'reinsideme they're layingtheireggsinme hurrkkk erkk".

As you can see, there are several reasons to visit Galveston, but the true Galveston Experience is to be had at Casa de Agua Mierda, run and operated by local legend Travis Arnold. Respectfully called "Bastardo Borracho" by the natives, Travis takes his job as head of the house very seriously, having been known to have once killed two bears with his bare hands, which he now refers to as his "bear hands". We were not entirely sure what he meant by that, or how it related to his skills as a caretaker, but he assured us that anyone who wasn't, in his own words, a "fucking bag of cunt asses" would understand entirely. While we would have liked to have learned more about Travis's responsibilities as caretaker, soon after telling us his story he became irate, called us "douched up cunting bags of cunt-ass cunt asses", and proceeded to beat us severely around the head and shoulders with two large, blood covered burlap sacks, which we later learned were in fact filled with cunt asses.

Casa de Mierda Agua is having a four day Spring Break Special, from Monday through Thursday of Spring Break. For only 30 dollars, a tourist can sleep and drink at Casa de Mierda Agua, which we can tell you from personal experience is adequately safe.

Visit Scenic Galveston!

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 05:21:10 GMT

So, the reason I haven't been writing in here much lately is because I sort of have a real life now.

IS THAT TOO REAL FOR YOU

Ooh-rah for fucking around at work.

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 17:45:33 GMT

So apparently some Kenyans made some questions one day.

1. Is it better to lose a person we love to death or to infidelity?
A: Depends on the context.

2. Is it better to have free access to a person we love, but that does not fully return our love, or to be perfectly loved by someone who is not free to see us?
A: The latter, I'd say.

3. Is greater jealousy a sign of greater love?
A: Not necessarily. It could also be a sign of selfishness.

4. Is desiring a "thing" more delicious than owning it?
A: Depends on the thing.

5. Is the union of two hearts the most appreciable and greatest pleasure in life?
A: Nah.

6. Are love and desire two opposite feelings?
A: No! You can't have love without desire, but you can certainly have desire without love.

7. Can we love someone who loves another?
A: Yes.

8. Can we stop loving a person who does not fully return our love?
A: Yes.

9. If a woman breaks off with a man she loves on a whim, for the sake of more freedom without loving anyone else, if she wants to get back together, should the man accept?
A: Fuck no.

10. Should two people who love each other tell each other their suspicions of jealousy without the use of coldness and ill humor?
A: If it seems important enough.

11. If a lover is jealous without reason, should the partner make it real, even if others talk?
A: Wait, what? That's stupid.

12. Is the love of a girl (virgin) more violent than that of a woman?
A: Virgins are a shitload of work.

13. What is the lesser crime in love, to be refused or not dare to ask?
A: Not daring is the lesser crime, but is far more commonplace.

14. Can love survive on its own for very long?
A: I suppose? That's a rather vague question.

15. Can we love for love's sake without expectations?
A: No. It's not in our nature.

16. Can we love something more than ourselves?
A: Sure!

17. Is the trouble free pleasure of not loving as pleasing as love itself?
A: I think that the two are far too different to try and compare to each other.

18. Which kind of love is more delicious, that of a girl, or a married woman, or of a widow?
A: Married woman.

19. What kind of love is more agreeable: that of a virtuous woman, or of one that is less than virtuous?
A: Less than virtuous. I like my women saucy.

20. Can an honest man, without compromising his sense of ethics, avenge himself on a woman who was unfaithful?
A: Eye for an eye, etc.

21. What is the greater crime? To publicly boast of actual favors given by a woman, or boast of invented favors from a woman who gave none?
A: Former. Unless she's a total ho. But still, fucking nasty dude.

22. Can a man, who is secretly loved by a woman, insult a rival who does not know he has one?
A: I guess? It'd only be apparent to an omniscient viewer looking in on the situation, though.

23. Can a man be as passionate about a woman whom he knows has loved before, than a woman who has never loved at all?
A: Why not?

24. Does a woman insult the man she loves by seeking help from another man?
A: "Help"?

25. Should a woman hate a man she loves who does not consent to help her, knowing he is otherwise engaged?
A: Fuck naw.

26. Is it reasonable for a woman to ask for details of a previous affair before she gives marks of affection to a man, and should the man comply?
A: Yeah to both. Although vice versa should be applied as well.

27. If a man received gifts from a woman, should he return them if she decides to leave him and asks for them?
A: No! That's why they're gifts!

28. Should a man ask for personal gifts that can be recognized by others from someone he loves and if he leaves, should he keep them, return them, or burn them?
A: Keep 'em.

29. Should a woman give a man she loves personal gifts, when he asks for some?
A: Yes.

30. Which is better, to win a woman through her heart or her intelligence?
A: Intelligence, by far. A lust based relationship gets old quickfast.

31. If a man knows a woman he loves wants to leave him, should he let her go freely after having told her politely that he knows her designs, or should he keep her by threatening to cause a scandal?
A: He should let her go, but I see no reason to be polite about anything.

32. Should a man ever cause insult or displeasure to a woman he loved, for any reason whatsoever?
A: Sure, if she has it coming to her.

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 02:33:27 GMT

2007 Summer is coming to an end.
What have you been up to this summer...?

1. Have you had more than 5 different boyfriends/girlfriends?
Nah.

2. Have you had your birthday?
Yuh.

4. Have you cried?
Nah.

5. Did someone close to you pass away?
Marvin Zindler.

6. Stayed up all night?
Yuh.

7. Drank Starbucks?
Maybe?

8. Went shopping?
Yuh.

9. Been camping?
I wish. Damnit.

10. Been to the beach?
This weekend.

11. Bought something for over $200?
Gym membership down payment.

12. Met someone new?
Yeah, and got reacquainted with some old ones.

14. Gone wake boarding?
bitch nigga what fuck fuck

15. Kissed someone?
On the mouth, even.

16. Slept in someone else's bed?
Yeah.

20. Lied?
Sure.

21. Got in a car?
Only constantly.

22. Been called a tease?
Yes! Weird!

23. Drove somewhere?
Indeed!

24. Done something you regret?
Almost, but hey.

29. Stole your parents car?
My car kicks my parent's cars in the face with ENERGY LEGS

30. Stayed on the phone past 2am?
Fuck naw.

31. Last thing you bought?
Yoohoo and a white tea.

32. Last person you hugged?
Claire.

33. Last person who called you?
Daddi-o.

34. Last person who texted you?
NO ONE

35. Last time you took a shower?
Earlier today.

36. When was the last time you felt stupid?
When I found out what is bigger than thirty whales.

37. Who was the last person who made you cry?
N/A.

38. Who was the last person who you watched a movie with?
Will and Jon and Nathan and Kathryn.

39. Who was the last person you danced with?
Alice.

40. Who made you laugh last?
Uh.

41. Song that's stuck in your head right now?
That new foo fighters song. Pretender or whatever.

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 19:02:31 GMT

So, I got my clean on this weekend and basically threw away my childhood. It was pretty intense. But let's go back in time and start on Friday.

1. Went to Lasertag with John.
2. RAZED IT TO THE GROUND
3. Went to Dina's house.
4. RAZED IT TO THE GROUND
5. Won a radio contest on KTRU; was subsequently awarded 1 million indie points.
6. Went to a show at warehouse live.
7. Had a good time, then
8. RAZED IT TO THE GROUND
9. Went to see Gavin play jazz, had face melted off.
10. Was given a pair of children's bongos to play; performed poorly.
11. Woke up, with pure force of will destroyed large shelf that is the bane of my house.
12. Placed childhood in large plastic bag, disposed of childhood.
13. Orange-glo'ed the floor.
14. Had a tasty steak.
15. Noticed rather severe body odor caused by working all day, bathed, smelled nice.
16. Slept.
17. FIN

Mon, 30 Jul 2007 03:34:35 GMT

So, APPARENTLY it's illegal to go the wrong way on a one way street. Who knew.

Also, contrary to popular belief having a girl dressed up like Daisy Duke in the passenger seat will not get you out of a ticket. The justice system here is fucked.

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 07:20:11 GMT

Yesterday was a kickass day.

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 04:05:21 GMT

So, I just finished Harry Potter.

I'm going to revel in the joy that J.K. Rowling has placed in my heart for tonight.

Tomorrow morning, I'll of course start making fun of it just like the rest of you cool kids.

HOLY FUCK

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 05:18:54 GMT

KANYEDAAAAAA

I'm pretty sure only Rachael will understand why I think this is funny.

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 20:44:02 GMT

Sun, 01 Jul 2007 06:17:47 GMT

BRUCE WILLIS

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 21:04:05 GMT

I like cats.

FOOLED YOU IT IS A MEME

HOLD ON TO YOUR ASSES, ASS-HOLDERS

100. what’s your profile song? What.

99. do you have a job? if yes what? Si. I play with MSPaint and scream at traffic.

98. middle name? Scott. Like the toilet paper.

97. do you have a crush on someone? Probably. Crush is a strong word, though.

96. lied in the last 24hrs? Sure.

95. best break up song? Ring of Fire-Johnny Cash. Also a great Herpes medication commercial jingle.

94. where was the last place you took a plane flight to? Arlington. Hissss.

93. what was the last movie you watched? Craptastic Four Plus Silver Guy on Magic Board.

92. what did you want to do when you grow up? Paleontologist.

91. what makes you mad? Whenever someone does something and then someone else says "OMG, what a Travis-like thing to do!"

90. What is your name? Kleenex Brand Tissue.

89. What did you do last night? Worked out and read a D&D Manual. I enjoy duality.

88. Do you have an opposite sex best friend that you can talk to 24/7? Normally, but she's in Russia right now.

87. Do you have any siblings? No, suckers.
,
86. Where are you exactly? Sitting on my bed in my room that I just remodeled. Go me.

85. Favorite color(s)? Black and red.

84. What does the 7th message in your [cell] text inbox say? I don't get texts.

83. Do you have a land line as well as a cell phone? Yuh.

82. Who sits to the left? The Dutchie.

81. Where is your dad right now? About to leave for Galveston, most likely.

80. Do you have any kids? No one on the internet has kids.

79. Who is the 5th person you got a missed call from? Claire.

78. Closest black object? Uh. My mouse?

77. Closest pink object? Some roman candles I bought the other day.

76. Have you ever jumped a fence for any reason? Sure?

75. Do you sing in the shower? Not so much anymore (I shower predominantly at the gym, and singing there would pretty much turn my Gay up to 11.)

74. Do you own any pets? Two huge dogs.

73. How does your hair look right now? Wet.

72. Last time you listened to country music? Does Lynyrd Skynyrd count? If so, like an hour ago.

71. If you could kill someone who would it be? I can't think of anyone right now.

70. Do you like eggs? Eh.

69. What are your fears? Being strapped to falling objects.

68. What do you hear right now? Air conditioning.

67. How many drugs are in your system right now? Zero.

66. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Phish Food.

65. What are you wearing? Hawaiian shirt, jeans, old man shoes, black leather belt, celtic knotwork leather bracelet from Wales, leather watch.

64. Who was the last person to comment you? Someone anonymous.

63. Do you sing? Yeah, but I laugh in the face of music lessons, and the world suffers for it.

62. Screamo or Country? Punches in the face?

61. Rock or Rap? Rock.

60. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate.

59. Who did you last call? Home.

58. Who last called you? J-Money.

57. What jewelry do you wear daily? Does leather count? If so, celtic knotwork bracelet and leather watch. On special occasions I'll wear a Roman coin ring.

56. What are you doing now? Typing. Duh?

55. Who was the last person you said 'I love you' to? Um. My dog.

54. Would you die for someone? Nah.

53. Latest thing you recently learned? That liches have 11 hit die.

52. Are you cold right now? Nah.

51. What do you smell right now? Nothing, save for my A/C.

50. Do you have to pee right now? Not anymore.

49. What’s the temperature outside right now? Hot. Muggy.

48. What are you doing tomorrow? Hopefully seeing Live Free or Die Hard with J-money and associates.

47. If your most recent ex wanted you back, what would you say? That's a bit of a tricky situation for me.

46. What size is your bed? I sleep on two twin mattresses pushed together.

45. What song are you listening to right now? Nothing.

44. Bed sheet color? Black satin. I live on a porn set.

43. Do you love some one right now? Not in the romantic way, I suppose.

42. What song always makes you cry? Uh.

41. Bad rumor about yourself that you've heard? No clue. Somebody tell me one.

40. Your favorite book as a child? The Hobbit. I started early.

39. Your favorite book now? No idea. I haven't had time to do a lot of recreational reading lately, which is a shame. I'm going to maybe possibly pick up Atlas Shrugged sometime this summer, just because I don't think I'm pretentious enough as I am right now.

38. What are you allergic to? Mr. Bubble. I'm serious.

37. What's your favorite candle scent? Brown sugar and cinnamon.

36. Ever gone a whole day without eating? Yeah.

35. America or Canada? Fuck yeah.

34. What makes you mad? Being asked the same question twice in a meme.

33. What if you found out you were adopted? I'd call bullshit. I am a clone of my father.

32. Jeans or Sweatpants? Jeans.

31. If you could get one thing free of charge and never have to pay taxes or anything on it, what would it be? ~~A large island, unaffiliated with any country~~
Australia.
30. What is your definition of “successful”? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuck+you+money

29. Do you have socks on? Yes.

28. Do you own any big sunglasses? I have an aviator pince-nez somewhere. It is magnificent.

27. What is your best characteristic? I could write a long speech about some mental or emotional characteristic that I possess, but I'm going to forgo that in favor of extolling the Wonder that is my amazing nose.

26. What is your biggest flaw? Hubris. Also I am a midget.

25. What musical instrument can you play? I've picked up the guitar as of late.

24. What was your very first pet and what was his/her name? First official pet: A German Sheperd named Shadow.

23. Have you recently talked to an ex? Sure.

22. Person who posted this before you? I'll give you a hint: She's got some steel in her tit.

21. If you had one wish (and it must be selfish) what would it be? TELEKINESIS

20. Are you creative? Apathetically so.

19. Favorite TV show? I don't really watch TV anymore.

18. Do you like 80s movies? Oh John Hughes, how you tickle me so.

17. Name three of your favorite movies and say why.
1. Army of Darkness: We go way back.
2. Lord of the rings trilogy: Because seriously, c'mon guys.
3. Jurassic Park: It flipped my shit out for half a decade.

16. Last two numbers in your cell phone number? 53.

15. What kind of music do you like? Polkas, mostly.

14. Are you a crazy stalker? Not especially.

13. Best city you've visited? Tossup between London and Austin.

12. Been to London? You see meme, this is why I have to beat you.

11. Do you identify with/have an affinity for any animals? Platypi.

10. Favorite subject at school? Theatre.

9. Greatest song of all time? Stairway to Heaven.

8. Ever been to a college? Three, actually.

7. Favorite time of day? Evening.

6. Ever licked someone’s cheek? Among other things.

5. Watch all Spiderman movies? Hellz no.

4. Do you cry easily? Nah.

3. What are you looking forward to? Live Free or Die Hard.

2. Ever gotten lost in the dark? If "lost" entails hitting your toe really hard on a chair or cat.

1. Do you snore/talk/walk in your sleep? I sleep incredibly quietly, apparently.

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 17:14:52 GMT

Reasons to love KTRU Rice Radio:

1. Just heard a deathmetal cover of Rock Lobster.

2. Seriously, shit was intense.

I'll think of more later.

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 20:21:09 GMT

Fantastic Four was set up for the express purpose of pissing me off about Dr. Doom.

Sure, they set it up to where he was like the comic Doom, right up until he confronts Silver Surfer for the first time.

I was like "SWEET CLASH OF THE TITANS"

BUT.

Then they just had to have Morph- uh, Norrin Rad shoot him with the douche laser that turned him back into the douche from the first movie.

Also: wtf@ giant dust storm Galactus. Needs moar purple.

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 01:40:41 GMT

I was getting some steaks at central market when I came across this little slice of fried gold:

Note the bullet box.

Note the sweet ass bucket seat.

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 09:39:30 GMT

Alright, so this spider was totally making a web in my car while I was driving.

wtf@ that.

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 03:24:57 GMT

Utter genius. Utter, utter genius.

Wed, 23 May 2007 01:02:02 GMT

I killed my beard.

Oh yeah P.S. you guys:

Sat, 12 May 2007 17:01:41 GMT

I'm back in Houston for the summer.

Wed, 09 May 2007 17:39:07 GMT

AUSTIN: IT'S WHERE THE TRAVIS GOES

WTFAWESOME

Tue, 08 May 2007 16:44:59 GMT

http://fmga.lan-slam.com/d&d/filesandstuff/ebooks/

Twenty or thirty free D&D .pdfs.

Massive win.

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 15:32:37 GMT

Nineteen.

Eh.

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 21:24:46 GMT

Dr. Dimiev has an evil twin and he's an actor playing a part in Star Trek Enterprise.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominic_Keating